The festive season, while full of joy and togetherness, can also bring about the hidden stress of conflicts and disagreements. Whether it’s a heated debate at the dinner table or differing views on sensitive topics, the holidays can test even the most patient among us. However, empathy—a skill that can be cultivated—might just be the secret to navigating these tricky situations with grace.
Karina Schumann, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, emphasises that empathy is not an inherent trait but a skill that can be honed. Similarly, Jamil Zaki, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, notes that without empathy, individuals tend to perceive others as more extreme and threatening than they actually are. By embracing empathy, you create an environment where understanding and mutual respect flourish, paving the way for meaningful interactions.
Here are three ways empathy can help you manage holiday conflicts effectively:
1. Recognise what makes empathy challenging for you
Empathy can falter when faced with certain triggers, such as impatience or defensiveness. Imagine speaking with someone who begins complaining or criticising; it’s natural to shut down and disengage emotionally. Recognising these moments is the first step towards breaking the cycle.
Schumann advises reflecting on personal barriers: “What situations make my empathy harder to access? What triggers defensiveness in me?” By identifying these patterns, you can prepare mentally before entering potentially contentious environments.
If you’re anticipating a politically charged conversation or an argumentative relative at a gathering, this self-awareness becomes particularly valuable. While empathy may not be the answer in every scenario—such as when facing threatening behaviour—it’s an essential tool for everyday disagreements.
2. Engage in active listening and cultivate curiosity
Active listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it’s about quieting your inner monologue of counterarguments and assumptions. Schumann explains, “While they’re talking, we’re not really listening. We’re planning our rebuttals.” Instead, focus on truly absorbing what the other person is saying.
Approach conversations as a data-gathering exercise. Zaki points out that curiosity often uncovers shared values and fears, even if your opinions differ. This shared humanity can reduce tension and foster understanding.
Modelling empathetic behaviour can also encourage others to reciprocate. Research shows that mutual vulnerability—disclosing and sharing personal experiences—strengthens bonds and promotes active listening on both sides.
For added effectiveness, try engaging in collaborative activities. Schumann suggests, “Working on a shared task, like preparing a meal together, can reduce conflict and deepen connections.” By focusing on a common goal, conversations can shift from confrontational to cooperative.
3. Explore out-of-body experiences to enhance empathy
Though unconventional, research by Marina Weiler at the University of Virginia highlights the potential of out-of-body experiences to boost empathy. Such experiences, often described as feeling detached from one’s physical self, foster a sense of interconnectedness and diminish ego-driven barriers.
Weiler explains, “When you experience ego dissolution, it opens the door to stepping into someone else’s shoes, enhancing empathy and altruistic behaviour.” These experiences can occur naturally during sleep or meditation but can also be induced through mindfulness practices, hypnosis, or even psychedelics.
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To experiment, start with meditation in a quiet, comfortable space, setting an intention to explore this phenomenon. Guided meditations on platforms like YouTube can provide a helpful starting point. Weiler advises creating an environment conducive to relaxation—similar to conditions ideal for a nap—to increase the likelihood of success.
Even if this method feels too abstract, the takeaway is clear: empathy thrives in moments of connection, whether spiritual, emotional, or conversational.
Conclusion
Empathy isn’t about mind-reading or always agreeing with others—it’s about curiosity and effort. By recognising your emotional triggers, practising active listening, and, if you’re adventurous, exploring novel techniques like out-of-body experiences, you can approach holiday conflicts with a fresh perspective.
This holiday season, let empathy guide your interactions. With a little patience and understanding, you can turn potentially frustrating moments into opportunities for connection, making your gatherings more harmonious and fulfilling.
